Abomination
Intoxication
Fornication
So many words leave abrasions
And who am I to say
Whether or not it rains
And what are we to gain
Serendipidy without the happiness
Do such things happen here inside the land of the Sidhe
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps,
To the whores who make little of time
And all such fretting should be a crime
Thus claiming the sunlight should be mine
And long do I sit
In a place without time
cradled in Nod
Chaos and rhyme
Gone from the light
O Morning Star
To what do I owe this pleasure?
Sound and fury signify everything
In a world neverending
And Ra brings no comforting on this rainy day
Least he chase the clouds away
And Poe shall turn over in his grave
On this judgement day.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
*plays the bongos* I can relate and appreciate that daddio..^_^
Yes, this poem does seem like it would be much better read out loud. It does remind me of the coffee shop-type, jazzy rhyme sort that I might enjoy hearing.
You continue to say that you specialize in abstract (or sound) poetry. Perhaps everyone should read the poems out loud to get the intended effect. Nonetheless, once it's down on paper, there should be a smidgen of structure.
That reply makes me happy. You get a cookie!
~Capn't Six
I loved the quick, restless form this piece took, it really set the mood and brought across your point, which I feel is that the typical comforts and inspirations that feed good feeling and comfort are unexplainably missing, and form has fallen apart so that all that is left are the inspirations of chaos and discord.
Am I near the mark?
Thank you very much. *tips invisible hat* I'm glad you caught the reference to the Scottish Play. ^_^ That made me smile.
~Capn't Six
Haha, Jiggy. (I like your sig by the way. Nice.)
This was kind of cool, actually. I've written a few free-form poems like this before, and I'm not sure they need to have a deeper meaning behind them. It's a sort of celebration of life, to me.
I really liked the reference to Shakespeare's MacBeth. You have some pretty cool allusions in here.
I was under the impression that the term is actually spelt, 'Sidhe'. I wasnt 100% certain of that so I looked it up and found I was right whereas 'Sidh' turns out to stand for Society for Integrated Development of Himalayas.
In short, fix the typo XD
My gods...you understood it! BRAVO!
~Six
It definitly sounds like there's a lot going on here. Whores, Satan, a magical land of dreaming, the Egyptian sun God, and Poe, a keggar of epic proportions, haha
Following in Colleen's steps, I couldn't take anything away from this.
should it be "And Ra Brings no comfort on this rainy day"? Brings is the verb, comfort shouldn't be conjugated....It was beautiful, sure, but what is the meaning behind it? Where is the point? What are you trying to make the reader feel?
*sigh* Punctuation is everything in poetry, even if this is meant to be read aloud. Heck, punctuation is everything in ANY form of written language. We need it to know where to pause, how to speak (question marks create raised intonation), what to feel (exclamation marks bring suspense, happiness, or surprise) you can't toss aside punctuation saying 'it's meant to be read aloud' because even if the punctuation isn't written down, it's still there in the way you read it, don't abuse this great advantage. Punctuation can help a poem be what it is.
As for the poem..yes, horribly abstract. Beautiful, well written, I suppose, but what's good in it if I can't have a feeling from it? If I can't relate, can't take something away from it? You might want to consider that a little bit the next time you write a poem (even if it is abstract). Just like in fiction, appeal to the sense. Most of all, the sense of emotion.
Sidh is the Irish term for fae or fairies. Nod is the mystical land of dreaming. As for my lack of punctuation, I like to throw it in randomly. Most of my poetry is made for reading aloud, but I will take that into consideration. Thanks for your review!
I have absolutely no idea what to make of this. You described it as "abstract poetry" and that seems to be an accurate description.
Though I couldn't take much away from this, it was intriguing and the rhythm was enjoyable. I think I could definitely see this being read in some dark bohemian night club at midnight.
Two references I didn't get. Am I stupid or are they completely random?
Sidh? Nod? And I would suggest putting a question mark after "Sidh". Yes, punctuation in many other places too. Putting one little period at the end is such a rip-off, like a pathetic attempt to use punctuation.
Intriguing, yes, intriguing.
Colleen